How To Deal With Dominating Mother-in-law And Mama's Boy?

My mother used to wake up at 5 in the morning, milk buffaloes, prepare meals and after completing other chores by 8 or 9 o'clock, she used to leave for the fields. And then work in the fields till 1, come back, have lunch and go back to the fields after preparing tea for workers at 3. Around 6 o'clock she would be back. Then she would milk buffaloes, prepare meals and do other chores.

This schedule lasted for years. It changed a few years ago.

Now, if my mother expects the same energy and routine from my wife, I would definitely call it inappropriate.

Times have changed. Generations have passed. Daily routines have changed. Food habits have changed and so have changed the capabilities. Gone are those days.

If I can't work as hard as my father used to, why should I expect my wife to work as hard as my mother used to work? If I wear jeans and t-shirts, why should I expect my wife to wear our traditional attire just because my mother wears it?

If I live in a modern era, why should I expect my wife to live in the 20th century?

Understanding all of these requires a bit of common sense and a bit of empathy. Sadly, a lot of people don't possess them.

I love my mother a lot but that doesn't mean I support her in her wrongs too. The same goes for my wife.

Truth is truth, and it should be accepted irrespective of gender, age or relation.

The main reason for tussles between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is the difference in perspectives of the world.

The mother-in-law thinks that “I did it that way, you should do it that way only.”

The daughter-in-law thinks that “I will do it my way.”

That's when the role of a husband comes into play.

He should intervene and find a middle ground. He should be unbiased. He should try to stick as close as possible to the truth.

But, truth to be told, some men are “Mama's Boy”.

I know someone very closely who is Mama's Boy and the life of his wife isn't as good as it could have been. I can always see the pain behind her smile. I can understand the regrets she never talks about. He hardly takes any stand against his mother even if she is totally wrong. He nods in affirmation always whenever his mother is passing on any remarkable commands.

What should be done in such a situation? To be honest, I don't know the exact answer. I think there's nothing much you can do about it.

But, I think talking about it directly with the mother-in-law and husband, is something one can try if one hasn't.

Be brutal. Be honest. Be straightforward. Talk to the point, face to face, fiercely. But, again, we don't know how the environment is in one's house. It differs from home to home.

The wise thing to do is to convey your miseries and problems to your husband and mother-in-law in the least offending way possible.

Involving a mature and respected third person is also a good decision if that seems appropriate. Maybe father-in-law or that favourite uncle of your family or someone very close to the entire family.

This situation is very tricky and delicate. It often gives nightmares to everyone involved because all are right according to themselves and feel neglected. It should be handled very carefully with utmost maturity.