How To Control Your Anger?

I was surprised to see that even grown-ups didn't know the science behind anger when I was designing the course for kids about anger for our start-up.

We may never know the exact scientific reasons and there are many theories, but there's one theory that I believe in the most.

I have simplified it for kids and I am keeping it very simple here too, as it is. There's no need for accurate terminology and scientific terms. We just need a basic understanding.

Anger is believed to have been hard-wired in our brains many thousands of years ago, to help us survive tougher times.

Thousands of years ago, resources like food and shelter were very scarce and getting angry was necessary to preserve what was ours.

For example, assume that you are a caveman.

You just have hunted a deer. You are about to eat it, but another caveman comes to snatch away it from you.

Now, imagine, what would happen if you do not get angry at that time?

That other caveman will easily walk away with the deer you just hunted, and you will remain hungry till you hunt another deer.

But, if you become aggressive and stop that caveman from taking away your deer, you can eat it and sleep peacefully.

To sum it up, you become angry whenever your brain senses any kind of threat or whenever something unexpected and unpleasant happens. Of course, there are other reasons too.

Whatever the reasons are, when you become angry, adrenaline and noradrenaline are released by the amygdala which triggers you to get ready to fight.

Your heart rate accelerates, blood pressure rises and your breathing rate may increase.

Soon you can pay attention to nothing else because your attention narrows and gets locked onto the target of your anger.

Amygdala is a part of your brain which handles emotion.

The prefrontal cortex is another part of your tiny brain which handles judgment, and it can switch off your emotions.

So, if you want to control your anger, you have to help your prefrontal cortex in defeating your amygdala so that you have control over how you react to angry feelings.

How do we do that? How do we defeat the amygdala? It's very very very easy. All you need to know is to count from 1 to 15.

Why? Because it takes nearly six seconds for all the chemicals released by the amygdala to disappear.

So, if you do not do anything that the amygdala is forcing you to do for six seconds, the prefrontal cortex will easily defeat the amygdala, and it will help you to control anger.

Whenever you get angry, do not utter a word and count 1 to 15 in your head. Do not react. Do not speak anything. Do not do anything.

Along with counting, take deep breaths, focus on your breathing and look around you. By the time you finish counting, you will have successfully defeated the amygdala and your anger will be gone.

This may sound simple and stupid, but trust me, it works. I also use the same technique to control my anger. You can use this technique to control your other emotions too.

If you learn this perfectly, eventually you will be in no need of counting too. Gradually, you will be able to shut your amygdala with just one command.